Dear Yan

9:03:00 PM BB 2 Comments

I just got news this evening that one of my closest friends died a few hours ago. If you know me, you know that in times of pain and suffering, I like to write because it is therapeutic. Get comfy and grab some tissues.

Dear Yan,

We loved to talk and reminisce about how we met. We met when you randomly showed up to a SOCC meeting, and volunteered to help me declutter and clean the office. You made fun of my music although you barely knew me and I laughed so hard. I knew instantly we were gonna be friends cos your humour was so out of this world. then you volunteered to help me move in a few days. I was so shocked. Who helps someone they barely know to move?

You were always so punctual and reliable. We made references about this all the time. "xyz is gonna be just as loyal as Yan." LOL. Your loyalty was honestly my favourite thing about you. You drove me mad so many times, but I always said to people, "Yan has my back". If I killed someone, you'd be the first person I'd call because you'd help me calm down and rationalize what my next steps should be. I always knew I could count on you.

Yan, I hope you know how I loved you. You were part of my family. My mom loved you too. I am so happy you got to spend the last 3 Christmas holidays with my family. I hope you know how much I cared about you. How much I wanted you to be happy. How much gratitude I had when I thought about you.

At my darkest moments in my 25 years on earth, you were always there for me. When I went through the breakup I didn't think I would survive. When my grandma died. Last year, when my uncle died. A few months ago, when Ryo died. You helped me see that there is happiness and contentment on the other side. That life is worth living.

Thank you for teaching me to be still and to be chill (still working on that one, I'm so not chill). When I made major decisions in my life and was at crossroads, you were always motivating. When everyone else in my life questioned me and asked if I was truly making the right decision, you encouraged me. You told me to do what feels good, and not question myself and overthink things. You didn't just do that, you celebrated my decisions.

Christmas 2015


When Ryo died you told me to be thankful I got to spend time with him. You made me feel so much better. I remember thinking, what would I do if I didn't have Yan in my life? And I brushed that thought away as negativity, because I never thought that day would come.

The day has come. I'm so sad. I am so mad. I am so confused. These are all the feelings you would not want for me. You would want me to be happy, you would want me to be thankful.

So in spite of this immense sadness, I am glad that you called me your BFF. I always thought it was so corny when you said that. But you said it with such pride. Everyone deserves to have a love and friendship like I had with you. I am thankful for the memories we shared. Thank you so much for everything.

<3

2 comments:

Thanks for keeping your comments thoughtful and concise :)